I had a nice long chat with my best friend (going on eleven years, can you believe it?) and it stirred up some good old feelings of familiarity, and got me thinking a lot about home. Almost immediately after our conversation, I went looking at homes for sale near her, while feeling bad for Baltimore and also looking at homes for sale near the neighborhood Joe and I currently live in. And there I was, looking at real estate in two different states, simultaneously wishing I could have homes and a life in both. Lucky for me, our internet is pretty spotty, so I didn’t get far enough into my home search to have a real crisis or anything.
It really boils down to this feeling right here: that I always have one foot in another place. My entire life has been divided into two places – mom’s and dad’s, college and home, abroad and home, and now, current city and home. I struggle with the back and forth, especially because my current city is a great place for me and I really feel like I can flourish here. But there’s always a part of me that wishes I were in South Carolina. It’s comfortable for me in all kinds of ways. And when big things happen, hard things or happy things, that’s the first place I want to be.
But I’m not in South Carolina. I’m in Maryland. And there are so many things to celebrate about being here, in this stage of life, right this instant. So I’ll corner the nostalgia for now, and I’ll give myself permission to live happily outside of my beloved home state. And maybe add some South Carolina art to my gallery wall.