Freedom, fellowship, forgiveness, fexpectations.
The four f’s of your relationship with God, and all other relationships in general. The biggest one my marriage is facing is fexpectations (for those of you who didn’t join us at http://www.littleriverroasting.com/ for girl talk last spring, that’s expectations with an f). We talked a lot about fexpectations in our pre-marriage counseling, so it’s something that we were aware of from the beginning, and something that we have to keep revisiting to make sure we are on the same page and that someone isn’t getting disappointed by high fexpectations.
To back-track a little bit, I am a developer (one of those strengths quest things). It means that I see the potential in people, and that I’m good at helping them reach that. So I push Joe to work hard and I have high fexpectations of him. Not because I am harsh or his boss or anything, but because I love him and see how amazing he is, and I know that his strengths will translate into a great career path for him. Don’t worry, he loves this about me. So because of this developer trait, I tend to have high fexpectations of people in general, especially my loved ones. This translates into disappointment sometimes, and I have to train myself to lower my fexpectations so that I am not let down so often.
This shows up in a lot of silly things, like how I expect Joe to notice when the trash needs to be taken out, or when I expect him to remember the list of stuff that needs to get done or the thank you notes that need to be written. I expect a lot of things like that because that’s how I think, and naturally everyone thinks like me? Wrong. Joe doesn’t think like me at all sometimes. This isn’t a bad thing, it just means that he doesn’t see clothes on the floor or shoes left everywhere. And that’s not his fault, and neither school of thinking is wrong. The problem comes when I feel disappointed that my wonderful husband doesn’t automatically see the disorganization that I can’t fall asleep with. And I will own up to that one being my fault. It’s not the mess, it’s how I approach the mess. Joe isn’t purposefully messy, he just is. And I’m not purposefully OCD, I just am. We both can’t help that part, but we can help our attitudes and our fexpectations. So while I can’t expect Joe to see every little mess that I see, I can expect him to help out when asked, and he does so willingly.
That’s true flove right there.